Telemarketer/Junk Mail Revenge...

For junk mail:
1) Always save your junk mail. Keep the addresses to send stuff.
2) Always save the "pre-paid" envelopes. I've been doing this for years.
3) Maintain a current list of addresses and phone numbers of people you don't like including junk mailers and telemarketers (see #2 below).

When you are sent a piece of junk mail, scan the "pre-paid" envelope and print about 50 more on your own envelopes. The company that recieves it has to pay for the privilege of recieving it. Put whatever you want to in the envelope when you send it out. You could put someone else's address in there and request some credit cards or whatever. DO NOT put anything they sent you that has a barcode, your name/address or letter code/serial number. They can track that. I don't put any of their stuff in the envelope.
With the ongoing list of addresses you aquire, start filling out forms for things you KNOW are going to recieve junk mail; ie. surveys and such. Use the address of the junk mailers for them. Imagine how much junk mail the junk mailers would get if just a handful of people did this.

For Telemarketers:
1) Start with the "Do Not Call" link on this page.
2) While speaking to them, try to sound interested and ask their name, the business name, who their parent company is, the address of the business, and a toll-free number to call them back. They have to give you all of this info BY LAW. Write this stuff down, particularly the toll-free number and the jerk who called you.
3) Maintain a list of addresses and phone numbers of people you don't like including the telemarketers.

When they call, keep them on the phone as long as possible. The longer they are on the phone with you, the fewer people they can harrass and therefore, smaller commissions/sales. Tell them at any point you feel like, the numbers of some of the "friends" on #3. Make sure you tell them they are not allowed to say where the reference came from. They can't if you tell them not to. Use the toll-free numbers they give you when filling out credit card applications or surveys. They get charged every time they recieve a call on their toll-free line. Remember, they can't put their number on the Do Not Call registry because they are a business. If you want to be polite or rude, it doesn't really matter. I go back and forth. Just make sure the rudeness comes AFTER you get their information.

When you fill out your junk mail stuff (above) use the name of the telemarketers that called you and the address/phone number. Just imagine when they are at work getting 10 credit card offers each day and they are recieving 10 or more personal calls (all telemarketers).

When you are sleeping, change your computer modem dialer (if you have dial modem) to the toll-free number of your choice with the settings set to infinite redial. If it doesn't hear the crackle of a modem on the other end, it hangs up and calls again. I haven't done this since I had my first computer 11 years ago (I think I set it up to call Ray one night, I don't remember). My home phone number is allowed 400 free calls a month. We only use about 100. I could let it run for 1-2 nights like this and not worry about going over my free calls. Remember, a business is charged for each call, whether it is incoming or outgoing. My sister has unlimited local and long distance. She could let her modem run for a month straight if she wanted to. However, she has cable modem, so it wouldn't work for her.

I have been thinking about getting a 900 number for here at the house. When a telemarketer calls I'll transfer them to my 900 line and let them chat at me all day for $3 a minute. I don't know if I could get away with this, but it would be fun.

I wouldn't be writing any of this crap if it weren't for some schmuck waking me up to try telemarketing to me. Now you have the bulk of what I do to torment these jerks.